"The scars will fade, the heart will mend..."

I know, long time no post right? I want to get better at this, but I feel like there are times that I go through phases where I want to write for myself and for others and then I feel like being an island unto myself.

It's hard to believe that it's been five months since I last posted, and in these last five months a lot changed.

Through July to October my personal life was a bit of a roller coaster in helping with the care of my Grama Mc. She had many hospital stays, and was eventually moved into an assisted living home after the hospital told us she would no longer be able to truly care for herself. I had many wonderful visits with her at her new place. It wasn't home to her, but we did our best to make it feel like her home. Unfortunately she didn't have a lot of time to settle into her new place. After another long hospital stay, by the time she was returned to her apartment she had little to no ability to walk on her own. The home began working with us to find her a palliative care facility, but before we found one she fell and became bed ridden. In the last month, she also began to show signs of dementia. More often than not, she was the Grama I always knew, but there were times when she would be angry or especially difficult with nursing and hospital staff.

One night she woke up in bed very angry and they gave her some medication to calm down. She never awoke again after that. For many days she seemed to be in a kind of coma. I got the call from my father around 4am on October 15th that she had passed in the night. I had seen her two nights before and was so grateful that I had.

It took two weeks before she was finally released to us and on October 27th she was laid to rest beside my grandfather. The memorial was beautiful. My father had Josh Groban's, To Where You Are played in her honor and I chose Clare Maguire's, This Is Not The End to be played in her honor at the end of the service. Her friends from church came, as well as many family members. So many beautiful flowers were sent and I know she would have been happy.

During my teenage years we did not get along all that well and I regret that now. When one grows up and looks back they can (hopefully) see and understand things in ways that they didn't while they were happening. I think back on the things I used to fight with her about and understand perfectly why she would press me on those things.

Thankfully after leaving behind those horrible teenage years, we got along quite well and became pretty close. My Grama was an intensely sharp, funny woman. She could deadpan with the best of them and her witty sarcasm I hope has rubbed off on me. She had a beautiful smile, gracious laugh and you could always find her in a crowd thanks to her distinct and always perfectly coifed hair style.

She was always a strong, determined, stubborn (in my family that is an admirable trait. haha) and independent woman who stood for what she believe in no matter what and gave so much of herself and her heart to others.

There was one simple word that she would always say to me, one simple request and for the rest of myself life I will think of her when I do it, "Smile."

Barbara Alice • February 1921- October 2011

Unplug!

It's a blustery, cool day here in my part of Southern Cali and I'm aching for the warm weather to come back. Just when I buy a cute sun dress the temps dip and the wind gets chilly. :(

But that's okay, it's really not summer yet, but it will be soon and I can't wait to rock this pretty, printed beauty.

It's been quite a busy weekend with shadowing my rep and going to a training session today. Tomorrow I have a photo shoot with a friend and Monday I have a local team meeting for my business.

I got my kit ordered and am excited to kick start my direct sales business. I pray I will be successful and that it will be as fun as they say it is! I just gotta get over my fear of the telephone. I'm gonna need it and it's gonna be this biggest part of my business.

Tuesday my term paper is due (eek) and I've got to get started on it. I'm hoping with beginning this business it will help and force me to better manage my time. I'm a serial procrastinator and I'd like to cure myself of this problem and spend more time doing positive things for myself, than lollygagging around and feeling bored with life. As the saying goes, "You're not bored! You're just boring!"

I need to make myself and my life less boring. If I would just disconnect my computer from my hip, I'd be doing a lot more interesting things. Technology for me has become more of a curse than a blessing, but that's my own fault.

One of the things I plan to do to help myself with this problem is to put my laptop away at night, rather than having it sitting out in arms reach first thing in the morning. Out of sight, out of mind... hopefully. haha

Do you feel like a slave to technology? Have you had to find ways to make yourself disconnect? Any tips and tricks would be helpful, besides what I already plan to do. Comments are most appreciated.

Empowerment/Life Thursday

I feel incredibly blessed. I have a wonderful home, a loving husband and so many family and friends that make my day happier and brighter just thinking about them. I don't know where I would be without these people and I don't ever want to know. They bring such a vibrance and peace to my life that I've never felt before. They're there when I need them, whether it be a shoulder to cry on, to listen to my angry rants or laugh and enjoy life with.

I wouldn't wish life any other way!

My parents are the most caring, giving people I know. Teenage life was rough and it was tough getting along like any family, but now I am thankfully out of that phase and have an appreciation for my parents that I've never had before. They are always there, always compassionate and give the greatest advice. They go out of their way to make sure and my sister and I feel loved and happy. They give and give and give, and I want to be able to give as much back and make them proud and happy, as they already are, to have me as their firstborn.

My Grama Mc makes me laugh! She says the funniest things and is so incredibly sweet. She's a no bullshit kinda person and I appreciate that about her. She took me on a cross country trip to South Dakota when I was a kid, and I still treasure that time and the photographic memories from that trip. She always looks beautiful and has the greatest laugh and a love for life and family that I so enjoy! She's thoughtful, caring and is there whenever you need her, no matter what it is. And she brings a fun sarcasm to everything.

I grew up with this beautiful Lady living down the street from me. We didn't exactly click at first, but now Meredith and I are the best of friends and I miss her all the time. I wish she didn't live so far, so we could spend more time together, but she's only a phone call away and I can talk to her about anything. She's funny, sweet, and has a laugh that inspires everyone around her to laugh too. She brightens up any and every room!

These Ladies rock! I always have soooo much fun with them! They are wild and crazy, but then we can talk about the most serious of things and we click together so much! I feel like I teenager whenever I have the opportunity to go and visit my Ames and Krista. Whether it be a night on the town in Laughlin, watching marathons of the Golden Girls or huddling together for a scary movie night, they're where I want to be. I can't imagine life without them and I will never let our friendships slip away. Even if I ever somehow wanted to, they'd never let me! LOVE you guys!

My husband is the funniest man I know. We talk about the weirdest things and we do the weirdest things and totally understand each other. I feel like I've found the other half of myself and he makes me so happy! I can't wait for us to renew our vows on our 5th anniversary this December!

Cousin Joey, Aunt Lanie, Mom, Uncle Mike, my sister Aubrey, and my baby cousin Aubrey

I love these people to death. There is no one like my Aunt and Uncle and I love spending time with them. They're silly, fun and make me feel so loved. My cousins are a huge part of my life and I love being around them. They are silly and crazy fun! I'm so happy when I'm around all these people.

My sister surprises me every day! She's so smart and beautiful and she has such a bright future ahead. I know she's going to achieve all her dreams and kick ass while she does it

My sister Aubrey, Krystle, me, Krista and Ames

My BHC girls! Life is perfect with them!

Katie, me and Kristen

Me and my bar hoppin Ladies. We act wild and crazy and enjoy many a Midori Sour together. I can't imagine life without them.

Heather, Me, Nin, Kelly

All my model lovelies! Pure fun and always ready to chill and have a good time!

I met these gals at a rough patch in my life. But we all helped each other to get through it. Kind, caring and understanding I wish nothing more than happiness and love and hope we'll all get the chance to get together again!

There are so many more beautiful people that have touched my life. Obviously, these are just a few. I am thankful for the joy of having everyone who has touched my life in some way. You all are such a blessing!

Who are your blessings, what are you most grateful for? Please do tell in the comments!

Garden Wednesday

I woke up yesterday morning to find that my parsley seeds in my herb set has finally sprouted. I thought for sure something had gone wrong. That I might have overwatered and ruined the seeds, or that maybe the seeds had been burned from possible sun overexposure. But there they are!

You can just barely see the little green sprouts in the middle pot

In other gardening areas, I plan to finish up cleaning out the front ground planter of weeds and hope to put in a stylish border between it and the lawn, plant two Hydrangeas (the hubby's and my favorite shrub) and plant some pretty, low water needing plants. There's a hose bib at the end of the front planter and we're going to put a drip line system there to make sure everything gets sufficiently watered.

As for the backyard veggie garden, we're still mulling over what we want to build the beds with and after looking through a backyard planning catalog I found a great plan for building a bed with rock. I've still yet to go out and do pricing for even the wood, so now I must make sure I get out to do some price checks on both to see where I stand. My Dad is planning to help a bit and I am so excited to get the garden started.

Seeing that I am so far successful with growing herbs from seed, I hope I can do the same in the veggie garden, though I may still go with transplants for some veggies.

xGinax

Mom's Day 2011

Mother's Day was a lovely day filled with family, good food and a lil Mother/Daughter shopping.

My Grama Mc requested that I join them at my former church Sunday morning and I went, very much looking forward to it being over and thinking how much I love my church. Even though I didn't enjoy it, that's ok. It wasn't my day, it was hers and Mom's and I'll do anything she requests.

After church we drove to a local Cheesecake Factory and while waiting for lunch to come, we commenced with card and gift giving.

Card to Grama from Mom and Dad

Mom reading her card from Me

Grama and her beautiful laugh

Me helping Grama open her gift from Mom & Dad

Checking out the lovely Blouse she received

Smile!

A slice of scrumptious Banana Cream Cheesecake

Mom and her MEGA plate of ice cream and Godiva brownies

My mother was promised a special gift from me (I've already told her what's coming and she's very excited to get it!), coming soon and I gave my Grandmother the box of soft center See's Candies and a mini box of truffles that she requested.

After lunch Mom came home with me, while Dad and my Sister took Grama home. Many hugs, kisses and "I Love You's" later Mom and I were off to look at gardening stuff. The place I had planned to take her to see some beautiful, reasonably priced pot's was unfortunately closed. We ended up at the local mall and when we stopped in G by Guess I fell head over heels for this gorgeous bag and clutch...

The clutch

The bag view 1

The bag view 2

Bag & Clutch interior lining

The classic, feminine look and lines of this bag and most especially the colors had me oohing and ahhing all over the place (I don't think the photos do it justice). Before I could stop her, my Mom grabbed them up and said, "It's your Birthday next week and I want you to have them." I followed her up to the sales counter, my hand over my mouth trying to get over the shock then protested that it was her day and that I should be buying something for her! She wouldn't hear it though and I am now the proud owner of these two gorgeous little bags.

My Mom never ceases to amaze me with how sweet and giving she is and I only wish I could take her out on a lavish shopping spree and talk her into a relaxing mani/pedi (she's not all that into them). (but) She deserves it so much! Someday I will be able to do it and I can't wait to pamper her. She's the hardest working woman I know. 

I felt extra guilty because besides that, my parents gifted me the money to begin my small business and I am so thankful to them for helping me get started. I hope I am successful and will be able to return the favor many times over. 

As for my small business, this Friday I will be shadowing and assisting my mentor/rep at a party, Saturday will be a fun, all day training and learning session, and Monday I will get to meet all the local reps at the monthly meeting they have at one of my favorite restaurants. I am so ready to jump in, meet and make new friends, and learn as much as I can, so I can be good in my business.

For the rest of this week I'll be working on researching and writing my term paper for PoliSci class and hopefully next week I'll be off to AZ to celebrate my birthday with my 'Sista from another Mister' and the rest of my wonderful extended family.

Oops... I almost forgot. The Hubbs said I could go get a mani/pedi this weekend (haven't had one in MONTHS) and to go along with one of the themes of the new business I'm starting, I got my nails done in the signature color. 

Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day with your Mom's and Grandma's and if you did anything super special, I'd love to hear about it!

Fashion Friday

This week, during a discussion post about the Met Ball people started posting photos of what they would wear. There were a lot of beautiful photos, and so it inspired me to post some of my favorite fashion photos as well as a few favorites from the post. Enjoy!

This dress blows my mind! 

I love the breathtaking sensuousness of this. I could imagine Natalie Dormer as Anne Boleyn wearing this on The Tudors.

Empowerment/Life Thursday

Yesterday started out wonderful, I had a meeting with my new small business rep and I felt like I could do anything. A couple hours after I got home, I called my Grandmother to talk to her about what I've been up to, to hear that she was really sick, weak and struggling to breathe.

I went into emergency mode, calling my Dad at work to see if he could head over to her place to get her to the hospital. As soon as the hubby got home, I jumped in the car to meet my Dad and Grama at the hospital. I was scared and nervous and thankfully my anxiety didn't overtake me on the way there.

They got my Grama into a room and started helping her. A few hours later when they announced they wanted to keep her overnight, my Dad said we should both head home. This has happened many times in the last few months and he knew if he left without making me leave with him, I would have stayed all night. Thankfully when I called this morning she sounded like her normal self and in a few hours I'm sure I'll be getting the call to come pick her up.

It's amazing how quickly a day can turn, but I'm glad my Grama seems to be okay now and I'm as excited as ever to begin my new small business. While flicking through my iPod last night, I came upon this song and it really meshed with me considering all the conflicted feelings I've had lately.

"When you're safe inside your room, you tend to dream

Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems...

When there's no one else

Look inside yourself

Like your oldest friend just

Trust the voice within

Then you'll find the strength

That will guide your way

You'll learn to begin to

Trust the voice within

Young girl don't hide

You'll never change if you just run away, ohh

Young girl just hold tight

Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh...

Life is a journey

It can take you anywhere you choose to go

As long as you're learning

You'll find all you'll ever need to know...

When there's no one else

Look inside yourself

And like your oldest friend just

Trust the voice within

Then you'll find the strength

That will guide your way

You'll learn to begin to

Trust the voice within, oh yeah"

"The Voice Within" by Christina Aguilera

Garden Wednesday

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday morning when I went out to the deck to water my herbs to see that the seeds were finally, actually sprouting!

I was sure I would end up having to buy transplants when these never sprouted, but I guess I do have a little bit of a green thumb!

I think this is the basil, I can see that the chives are starting to sprout too, but my other herb... I don't know if the little guy is gonna make it.

But hey! Two out of three, not bad.

As for the larger garden project, Erik and I finally got all the rocks and debris loaded onto his truck and he took it off to the dump. The area was swept and now I just need to clean up all the junk piled against the garage wall. We are gonna start drawing up the plans soon for the enclosed garden space and I'll be going out to price wood for the raised beds. The hubby is suggesting I go with railroad ties. I don't much love that idea, but it is on the list as "last resort". 

Erik won't be able to come by for two weeks, so in the meantime, I'll be focusing on cleaning up the beds in the front yard around the house and weeding. Planning to get out there today once the sun moves over to the other side of the house so I'm not in direct sun while trying to work out there.

Other than that, I have house cleaning to do and just got back from a meeting with my rep for a new business I'm starting, that I'll be very excited to talk about once I've gotten my certification done.

Hope you're enjoying warm, sunny weather as I am!

xGinax

Beauty Tuesday pt 1

Only in the last year have I discovered the awesomeness that is makeup. Even through the years that I was a model, other than mascara and lip gloss, I didn't use makeup. My makeup was usually done by a makeup artist or my cousin Amy, and I never really picked up anything, other than basic tips when having makeup applied (while having someone else apply eyeliner, find a spot on the ceiling to stare at so you don't blink, etc).

But last year, I popped into Ulta and found myself in the Urban Decay aisle and picked up a black 24/7 eyeliner pencil. A couple days later I tried it, sure I would be horrible at it as I always felt about eyeliner, which I loved and wish I knew the secret to a steady hand to apply it. I was shocked as I started to draw it across my eye and it worked! Since then I've been a huge fan of Urban Decay. I bought the mini 24/7 eyeliner set, the big NY eyeshadow set, and many more pieces.

It's been a while since I checked out their site and when I received an email from them about their new Urban Bride set, I clicked over to see what was new. I have pretty much all the full size pieces from the set, except the Ultra-Definition Finishing Powder.

While there I was pleasantly surprised to see that they've come out with an awesome nail polish set!

The Rollergirl Nail Kit is free of formaldehyde, toluene and DBP and come in convenient pocket size. The colors from left to right are Fame (a shimmery beige), Superfreak (a gold glitter), Xanadu ( my favorite, a purple glitter),  Miss T (a pearly fuchsia), Woodstock (hot pink) and Love Train (an iridescent white).

They've also come out with some new delicious looking lip glosses.

Lip Love is a nourishing lip therapy infused with honey for yummy flavor, Vitamin C for a boost to collagen and evens out skin tone. Millet, Jojoba and Apricot Kernel Seeds help moisturize, replenish and promote cell turnover. It comes in six delicious colors and I pretty much want them all! Fingers crossed for a mini set of these.

To be honest they remind me of the lip glosses that Victoria Secret sells, but I think I'll much prefer these over VS's.

Right now Urban Decay is offering free shipping for orders over $50 and some lovely free samples.

xGinax

Beauty Tuesday pt 2

I was very excited when I first heard that Benefit would be coming out with their own skincare line, and after it was premiered I was mesmerized by the beautiful packaging they came up with. I haven't had a chance to try any of it yet, but I'm hoping I will soon. The b.right! Radiant skincare line pretty much covers everything and more!

Eye cream to help get rid of those 'not enough sleep!' dark circles, an ultra moisturizing face cream, face wash and scrub, moisturizing toner lotion, re-hydrating mist, make-up remover and even an SPF!

Moisturizing is a #1 for me and more than anything I really want to try their face scrub and face cream.

I hope at some point they will have a full kit available with everything in standard size. Macy's is offering a kit with a few key mini's and if the promotion lasts long enough, I'll hopefully be able to get one.

Have you had the opportunity to try it yet? What are your thoughts on the skincare line? Do you have a particular favorite in the line? Please do say so in the comments!

xGinax

Music Monday

From the first time I heard this song I was in love. I've always been a big Christina fan and her voice never disappoints. So much soul and beauty. And I loved it even more after seeing Burlesque and seeing her on the stage in that gorgeous green gown, and you could feel her vulnerability. Not only can the girl sing, but in my opinion, boy can she act too!

I hope you enjoy "Bound to You" as much as I do.

xGinax

Fashion/Beauty Friday

The decision of what to feature today was made easy by the gorgeous Kate Middleton, now Duchess of Cambridge.

To be honest, I'd grown irritated by the insane amount of coverage on the impending nuptials of William and Kate, but last night I found myself riveted to the TV, waiting anxiously to get a glimpse of her and the obsessively talked about reveal of her wedding dress.

I was quite overjoyed with what I saw. I love that she went the "Grace Kelly" route and she wore the dress with such beauty and grace. She truly looked like a Princess and I love that she wore her hair half up/half down. The neckline, bodice and lace is breathtaking and my heart fluttered a little at the beauty of her skirt. More lace and the way the train was layered made me wish I could have the dress for myself. I was not all that surprised when I heard that she was going to do her own makeup, she is a very normal, down to earth girl and I think she did a lovely job.

I saw a story that a company was waiting with baited breath for a glimpse of the dress (McQueen) and that they'd begin making replicas. I'm sure even the replicas will be incredibly expensive, so no chance I'll ever get my hands on one. 

The ceremony was beautiful, if a bit long in the tooth and I wasn't able to keep my eyes open long enough to see "The Kiss", but of course... there's no way I'd be able to miss it, even if I wanted to.

Congrats to the happily married couple! I hope we will see them happy and be able to live out the normal life they wish to lead. 

Next up will be baby bump watch. Hahaha! No... I'm just kidding. Well... not really.