Today was not the best of days for me. I woke up in a great mood, knowing what I wanted to do with myself and my day and then I realized I had a doctors appointment that I had forgotten about. I rushed through my breakfast and made it there in time. It ended up throwing a wrench in my plans for the day, but that's what life is about, so I went with the flow.
The last couple weeks, since beginning the gym I've felt better and happier and because of that, I've been lax on taking my anxiety medication. I've been on different anxiety meds since this all started in '09, thankfully, this one is the best so far and now I only need to take one little pill a day. I don't want to be on medication though. I hate having to rely on it. I want to naturally fix myself and feel good.
Obviously though that is not an option right now. My doctor says she is sure the reason I feel so weird with just one day of missing a dose is because I metabolize it so quickly and it's just as quickly out of my system. As of today I know I need to take it every day as prescribed, I had such bad anxiety. I couldn't work out, I'm still worried about if I'm breathing "enough". It's just so irritating and ridiculous.
Within a week I will hopefully be back to normal. It can take up to 2 weeks to be continuously present in your system. In the meantime I'm gonna try to take it easy and not be too critical of myself.
I've found that if I can find a quiet spot outside, focus my hearing on a single natural sound, close my eyes and slowing breathe in and out through my mouth I can calm myself. Lying down and breathing deep into your stomach through your nose and slowly out through your mouth can really help too. I learned that great technique from my vocal teacher and the first time I did it I felt so insanely relaxed afterwards I couldn't believe it.
That's the struggle with myself though. I'm so worried about going, going, going! I'm an over-thinker to the extreme. Sometimes I need to find ways to give myself a few minute mental break. I want to take yoga as part of my gym workout. It helps so much with mindfulness and teaching yourself to slow down. It would be amazing to train myself into meditation too. These are all things I'd like to work on and train myself to be able to do this year.
I need to learn to take care of and invest in myself and my health and well-being. I'm always so worried about others and taking care of their needs first. Not that that is a terrible thing in itself. I'm glad compassion and care for others is a part of who I am, but I need to not forget myself in the middle of it all.
Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get what I need to done. I have a few jobs to apply to tomorrow and hopefully Katie and I will finally get in for a yoga class at the gym tomorrow night!
xoxo,
Gina
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