I know, long time no post right? I want to get better at this, but I feel like there are times that I go through phases where I want to write for myself and for others and then I feel like being an island unto myself.
It's hard to believe that it's been five months since I last posted, and in these last five months a lot changed.
Through July to October my personal life was a bit of a roller coaster in helping with the care of my Grama Mc. She had many hospital stays, and was eventually moved into an assisted living home after the hospital told us she would no longer be able to truly care for herself. I had many wonderful visits with her at her new place. It wasn't home to her, but we did our best to make it feel like her home. Unfortunately she didn't have a lot of time to settle into her new place. After another long hospital stay, by the time she was returned to her apartment she had little to no ability to walk on her own. The home began working with us to find her a palliative care facility, but before we found one she fell and became bed ridden. In the last month, she also began to show signs of dementia. More often than not, she was the Grama I always knew, but there were times when she would be angry or especially difficult with nursing and hospital staff.
One night she woke up in bed very angry and they gave her some medication to calm down. She never awoke again after that. For many days she seemed to be in a kind of coma. I got the call from my father around 4am on October 15th that she had passed in the night. I had seen her two nights before and was so grateful that I had.
It took two weeks before she was finally released to us and on October 27th she was laid to rest beside my grandfather. The memorial was beautiful. My father had Josh Groban's, To Where You Are played in her honor and I chose Clare Maguire's, This Is Not The End to be played in her honor at the end of the service. Her friends from church came, as well as many family members. So many beautiful flowers were sent and I know she would have been happy.
During my teenage years we did not get along all that well and I regret that now. When one grows up and looks back they can (hopefully) see and understand things in ways that they didn't while they were happening. I think back on the things I used to fight with her about and understand perfectly why she would press me on those things.
Thankfully after leaving behind those horrible teenage years, we got along quite well and became pretty close. My Grama was an intensely sharp, funny woman. She could deadpan with the best of them and her witty sarcasm I hope has rubbed off on me. She had a beautiful smile, gracious laugh and you could always find her in a crowd thanks to her distinct and always perfectly coifed hair style.
She was always a strong, determined, stubborn (in my family that is an admirable trait. haha) and independent woman who stood for what she believe in no matter what and gave so much of herself and her heart to others.
There was one simple word that she would always say to me, one simple request and for the rest of myself life I will think of her when I do it, "Smile."
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| Barbara Alice • February 1921- October 2011 |
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